Letter to God

Dear God, I am confused. My mind is wandering like a lost child in an ocean of fog, and while its waves are crushing me, I try to scream. Nothing happens, I can't hear myself, I can only feel the illusion of pain echoing through the hole in my chest. Despite that, the heart chakra is still murmuring the song of life...it's warm and green. I see you everywhere: in the smile of the trees, in the blood of the sunset, in the whisper of the leaves, in the tears of the beggars, in the eyes of the rich, in the depths of the waters, inside of me. You are too accessible, too obvious, but at the same time invisible to the blindness of the ego. I hate that every time I call, you answer. I hate that you are not mysterious and complicated, because I need to pierce veils in order to validate myself. Unconditional love is too much, and still you keep sending it. Always. It is my birth right you say, but I don't know how to use it; instead I know how to hate myself and hate others, and since you are within me, I don't understand your need of self-flagellation.

I feel you crying and smiling in every soul in a continuous attempt to know and understand yourself. I am expanding as you are expanding, although my consciousness is fragmented in the pain of the past. I don't have kids, but I am too busy parenting you as my inner child. You know so much, but still, you chose to forget everything when you came into this physical plane. Please help me remember. I can taste you in the salt of the tears and in the sweetness of a laughter. I love it! It makes me feel I am truly alive in a dream called life. I also love when you are transforming yourself into the fluffy cat that sleeps beside me every day; I can feel your warmth and love...it's easier to live this way, and although sometimes nothing makes sense, and death wants to spread its wings, my heart keeps singing the same song, beating, pulsing: I AM, I AM, I AM, I AM...